November 09, 2014 at 11:18PM EST
Sam: I don’t understand.
Dean: Me neither.
Sam: I mean, shouldn’t it be Deastiel?
Dean: Really? That’s your issue with this?
Sam: No. Of course, it’s not my issue. You know…how about…Sastiel? Samstiel?
Dean: Okay. All right. You know what? You’re gonna do that thing…where you just shut the hell up. Forever.
-Supernatural, “Fan Fiction”
November 02, 2014 at 10:54PM EST
Josh: Didn’t think you were going to show.
Aiden: Didn’t think you were a vampire.
Josh: Ditto on the whole leader of a werewolf army thing. P.S. These pictures don’t really do you justice. You’re way hotter in person. You know, when you’re not murdering people.
Aiden: I shouldn’t have come.
Josh: Yeah, but you did. Why?
Aiden: I guess I hoped seeing you might make me feel a little less, I don’t know, alone.
Josh: Okay, look. Maybe for tonight, we could pretend things are different. I’m not a vampire. You’re not a wolf. The city isn’t about to implode. We could just, I don’t know, be ourselves.
Aiden: I’d like that.
-The Originals, “Live and Let Die”
October 26, 2014 at 10:43PM EDT
Laurel Lance: I don’t want your condolences. And I definitely don’t want your father’s. She died with arrows in her chest. Do you think that would have happened if she hadn’t met you? You were the one that showed her the darkness inside. You, and your father.
Nyssa al Ghul: I know you grieve, but so do I. I didn’t show Sara the darkness, Laurel. It was already inside of her when we met. When I found her, alone, starving and terrified, I protected her. I took Sara into my heart, and I loved her with all my soul. And that jacket…I gave it to Sara as a gift. You are not fit to wear it.
-Arrow, “The Magician”
October 19, 2014 at 10:37PM EDT
Green Lantern: You’ve been dying for this, haven’t you?
Wonder Woman: This isn’t giving me any pleasure. But I’m sure you’ve heard that before.
-Justice League #11
October 12, 2014 at 10:27PM EDT
Lt. Abbie Mills: [Regarding two men, holding hands] Is that considered acceptable now?
Lt. Abbie Mills: Oh, lots of attitudes have changed since your days. Not everyone’s, but the Supreme Court has upheld the constitutional right of same-sex couples. And more and more states are even legalizing gay marriage.
Ichabod Crane: I meant gentlemen wearing hats indoors. I know about homosexuals, thank you. I trained under Baron von Steuben. His affections for his own sex were well known. Also, I watched the finale of Glee.
-Sleepy Hollow, “Root of All Evil”
October 05, 2014 at 10:07PM EDT
Clara: Oh, don’t you ever tell me to mind my language, don’t you ever tell me to take the stabilizers off my bike, and don’t you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, Doctor. You breathe our air. You make us your friend when that is your mood to, and you can damned well help us when we need it.
Doctor: I was helping.
Clara: What, by clearing off?
Clara: Yeah, well clear off. Go on! You can clear off. Get back in your lonely…your lonely, bloody TARDIS, and you don’t come back.
-Doctor Who, “Kill the Moon”
September 28, 2014 at 10:34PM EDT
“No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.”
-Crowley, Supernatural, “King of the Damned”
September 21, 2014 at 10:28PM EDT
Veronica: Here, I bought you some briefs. The boxers you were wearing didn’t highlight your assets. Penisly speaking.
Ted: Thank you.
-Better Off Ted, “Racial Sensitivity”
September 14, 2014 at 10:01PM EDT
Klaus: I love my family. You, Elijah, I loved all of you. I know I can be difficult, but I did not make myself that way. It was Mikael who ruined me.
Rebekah: He ruined me, too, that’s what you forget. Centuries later, each of us is broken. You with your anger and paranoia; me with my fear of abandonment; and poor Elijah, he dedicates himself to everyone but himself. We are the strongest creatures in the world, and yet we’re damaged beyond repair. We lived without hope, but we will never die. We are the definition of cursed, always and forever.
-The Originals, “Farewell to Storyville”
September 07, 2014 at 9:53PM EDT
“Unbelievable! ‘Do you like my mask? Isn’t it pretty? It raises the dead.’ Americans!”
-Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Dead Man’s Party”
August 31, 2014 at 9:35PM EDT
“I believe in science. I believe in evolution. I believe in Nate Silver and Neil deGrasse Tyson and Christopher Hitchens. Although I do admit he could be kind of an asshole. I cannot get behind some supreme being who weighs in on the Tony Awards while a million people get whacked with machetes. I don’t believe a billion Indians are going to hell. I don’t think we get cancer to learn life lessons, and I don’t believe that people die young because God needs another angel. I think it’s just bullshit, and on some level, I think we all know that. I mean, don’t you? Look, I understand that religion makes it easier to deal with all of the random shitty things that happen to us. And I wish I could get on that ride; I’m sure I would be happier. But I can’t. Feelings aren’t enough. I need it to be real.”
-Piper Chapman, Orange Is the New Black, “Fool Me Once”
August 26, 2014 at 2:40PM EDT
Carol: So we’re staying?
Rick: I think we can start sleeping in our own homes. Settle in.
Carol: We get comfortable here, we let our guard down, this place is gonna make us weak.
Rick: Carl said that. But it’s not gonna happen. We won’t get weak. That’s not in us anymore. We’ll make it work. And if they can’t make it… then we’ll just take this place.
-The Walking Dead, “Remember”
August 24, 2014 at 9:29PM EDT
“I am bad, and that’s good. I will never be good, and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me.”
August 17, 2014 at 9:28PM EDT
Agron: Jupiter himself would find cause to tremble if he laid hand upon you.
Nasir: You would battle a god for me?
Agron: I would slay all who would lay attempt to wrest you from my arms.
Nasir: Strike Jupiter and the Cilician from mind. I would have them of no concern to the one who holds my heart.
-Spartacus: War of the Damned, “Men of Honor”
August 10, 2014 at 9:19PM EDT
“Oh, look, a pink triangle. Is that a spa? I think it’s a spa. (Gets hit by car.) That was homophobic.
-Coco Peru, “Let’s Play Grand Theft Auto 5 with Coco Peru”
August 03, 2014 at 9:14PM EDT
Gamora: I’m a warrior, an assassin. I don’t dance.
Peter Quill: Really? Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It’s called Footloose. And in it, a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that, dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is.
Gamora: ...Who put the sticks up their butts?
-Guardians of the Galaxy