March 08, 2015 at 2:38PM EDT
Kimmy: I think I’m going to have the chef salad. Who do you like to have sex with?
Brandon: Oh, I like hairless guys with a little bit of—
Kimmy: You ARE an escritoire!
Brandon: I’m a desk? I mean, I don’t know what that means.
-Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, “Kimmy Kisses a Boy”
February 22, 2015 at 2:17PM EST
“You were right. I was a coward. But now I know there’s something stronger than fear, far stronger. The Force. Let me show you how strong it is.”
-Kanan Jarrus, Star Wars: Rebels, “Fire Across the Galaxy”
February 15, 2015 at 6:44PM EST
“If just being born is the greatest act of creation, then what are you supposed to do after that? Isn’t everything that comes next sort of a disappointment? Slowly entropying until we deflate into a pile of mush?”
-Finn, Adventure Time, “Astral Plane”
February 08, 2015 at 6:34PM EST
“Now I’m condemned to this life of jumpsuits.”
-Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1
February 01, 2015 at 5:31PM EST
“Being scooped up by a guy clad in head-to-toe leather is a longtime fantasy of mine, so thanks.”
-Hartley Rathaway, The Flash, “The Sound and the Fury”
January 25, 2015 at 6:29PM EST
“I was raised to be charming, not sincere.”
-Cinderella’s Prince, Into the Woods
January 18, 2015 at 6:21PM EST
Gareth: Well… I just think… And I say this very respectfully, sire. You’ve gotta man up. You’ve gotta butch up for her a little bit.
King Richard: Me?
King Richard: I’m sorry, Gareth. I am Mr. Butch! Oh, poop. I got gravy on my tummy flowers.
-Galavant, “Joust Friends”
January 11, 2015 at 6:08PM EST
Jim Burns: Why are women emotionally and spiritually so much stronger than men?
Stella Gibson: Because the basic human form in female. Maleness is…a kind of birth defect.
-The Fall, “It’s Always Darkest”
January 04, 2015 at 5:24PM EST
“There’s a horror movie called Alien? That’s really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you.”
-The Doctor, Doctor Who, “Last Christmas”
December 28, 2014 at 5:17PM EST
Harry Potter: Merry Christmas, Hermione.
Hermione Granger: Merry Christmas, Harry.
-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
December 21, 2014 at 4:04PM EST
April Ludgate: Hey! This is my boyfriend Derek, and this is Derek’s boyfriend Ben.
Leslie Knope: Hey! Oh. Wait, sorry. What’s the situation?
April Ludgate: What do you mean?
Leslie Knope: How does this work?
April Ludgate: Derek is gay, but he’s straight for me, and he’s gay for Ben, and Ben’s really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben.
Derek: It’s not that complicated.
-Parks and Recreation, “Pawnee Zoo”
December 14, 2014 at 11:47PM EST
“People think it’s actually three different plasma streams, but it’s all one. The long beam right here comes out, and the two smaller beams at the bottom, they’re still attached to it. They don’t start where the little metal hilt ends, okay? They’re attached to the other beam inside. The metal hilts are just casings around the little beams to protect your hand. Even if someone slices through the metal, they’re going to hit the beam right there. Any padawan knows that.”
-Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report
December 07, 2014 at 10:58PM EST
Dandy: I was born of deadly sin. You knew what father had done to those little girls. You knew the risks of breeding with your cousin. You’re no better than the Roosevelts.
Gloria: How dare you say that name in this house!
-American Horror Story: Freak Show, “Bloodbath”
November 30, 2014 at 11:30PM EST
Oliver: Last month you took on a man named Leonard Snart.
Barry: We call him Captain Cold.
Oliver: We can talk about you giving your enemies silly code names later.
Barry: You mean like over coffee with Deathstroke and the Huntress?
-The Flash, “Flash vs. Arrow”
November 23, 2014 at 11:33PM EST
“I’m sorry that you’re starving because I ate all of your cops, even though you’re all still really fat, and I probably helped you lose some weight.”
-Lumpy Space Princess, Adventure Time, “The Monster”
November 17, 2014 at 12:23AM EST
“Never trust a hug. It’s just a way to hide your face.”
-The Doctor, Doctor Who, “Death in Heaven”