TV Recap: Faeries and Vampires and Demon Babies…Oh My!
By Chance
August 30, 2010 at 12:01AM EDT
FBOTU recaps the latest episode of True Blood. Just click on Lafayette and Jesus to catch up with the gang in Bon Temps and share your thoughts on last night’s show!
Welcome to the penultimate episode of season three of True Blood. Initially, I fast forwarded through the Jason stuff, but then felt bad, so I went back and watched it all. So, I can honestly say I watched every minute of “Fresh Blood.” But please feel free to let me know if I left out anything important. And if you haven’t seen the episode yet, beware. SPOILERS aplenty!
Since this episode is on opposite the Emmy Awards, they do a cute “In Memorium” segment to start the show. We get to see everyone who’s ever met a grisly end in Bon Temps. It’s a long list, because no one ever dies of natural causes in Bon Temps.
I happen to be watching this episode on a TV that’s at least 20 years old, and I have to say the vamps look better on a non-HD television. Especially Bill. In HD, the vamp makeup can look a little cakey. But on an old, slightly blurry TV, he looks fine (and even youthful) as he rushes into Fangtasia to save Sookie from Pam. Pam’s a smart girl (and a smart ass) and blasts Bill in the face with some liquid silver that’s “in stock and overpriced” at the local health food store. Just out of curiosity, I might have to add that to my Whole Foods shopping list.
I think we can all agree that Jesus is bad news. He’s hiding something. Whether that’s a penchant for the dark arts or some evil plan for Lafayette, I don’t know. But now he’s also a V-head. (V-fiend? Vaddict?) And I guess that’s fair. Everyone’s in love with someone horrible on this show, so there’s a kind of equality in the gays being all f**ked up, too. Lafayette shows amazing restraint in showing Jesus the door, though. It’s certainly more will power than I could muster. I’d be like, “So you’re some kind of freaky witch doctor monster? Whatever. Take your shirt off.”
True Blood must donate screen time to stupid people as part of a community service agreement, because here’s Jason and Crystal. We all know that Jason’s dumb, but he’s just the regular kind of dumb. Crystal, on the other hand, appears to be inbred dumb, which is a whole other kind of dumb. And, frankly, I’m alarmed that Jason isn’t more alarmed by this. If I were Jason, I’d want to know up front just how closely related Crystal’s parents are.
The slightly smarter couple on the show is up next. Hoyt and Jessica. Ahh, they’re back together, and romance is in the air. Jessica confesses killing the trucker as if she’s confessing to dating some other guy while she and Hoyt were “on a break.” Hoyt takes it very well, probably because he’s high on V. He tells Jessica, “Eat me.” And he means it. When Hoyt unzips his hoodie, no one on the planet could resist. Jess gets on top and sinks her pointy fangs into his luscious man flesh. This is hotter than it should be. It’s like Hoyt’s finally agreeing to let Jessica use the strap-on, and we get to watch.
Thinking about Erik’s plight, I realize that I’ve never forgiven anyone for anything…ever. So I’m wondering if I could hold a grudge for 1,000 years. I’m guessing I could. Russell is dismissive of Erik’s vengeance, though. Plus, Erik’s goofy ringtone doesn’t help. What the hell was that? It sounds familiar, but I just couldn’t place it. Despite the faux pas, Russell picks up his tub of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Talbot” and agrees to follow Erik.
Next, we’re treated to a brief scene of Tara crying. But, really, I think we all could have guessed that whether she’s onscreen or off, Tara’s probably crying. Back at Merlotte’s, Sam is on a rampage. Actually, I like Evil Sam. He reminds me of me. I supervised a staff of people once, with very similar results. You can get drunk and yell at people and call them names and fire them, but can you do it every day? Sadly, no. At some point you have to apologize and try to be nice. Sam did his best to be mean, but I’m just not buying it.
Jason heads to the high school football field, because I guess that’s what straight guys do when they need time to think about their inbred werepanther girlfriends. I think there should be a spin-off focusing on the teens of Bon Temps, called Bon Temps High or True Blood, Jr. Kitch is on V, like everyone else in town, and he’s going to use it to break Jason’s precious football record. Defeated, Jason figures he might as well shack up with Crystal.
In a surprise twist, we learn that Hoyt’s mama has been behind Summer‘s romantic pursuits. Oh god, I hope Summer becomes a vampire. Summer as a vampire would be awesome: baking, collecting dolls and drinking blood. Who could turn her? Maybe Pam? Erik told her to sire a vamp if/when he croaks. Make it so.
It’s no secret that I’ve been praying for the death of Tara for three seasons now, hoping each and every episode will be her last. And yet, tonight, when she isn’t speaking, just staring down Andy, she’s actually good! Then, when she shuts up during Andy’s confession and does more staring, she’s still good! I think I’m on to something here. If we can just convince the show creators to make Tara a non-speaking, glaring-only role, I will stop wishing harm on her. Still, even at her non-speaking best, Andy still acts circles around her. His apology is heartfelt and sincere. I cried little bloody tears.
You know that whenever characters talk about being happy and start making plans, that everything’s going to get all f**ked up, right? Well, Sookie and Bill don’t know this, because they have a sweet little scene where they talk about having a normal life. Sookie imagines what it’s like not being a waitress, which is funny, because she hasn’t waited tables since season one. Bill talks about going fishing with Jason, and I assume, overnight camping trips with one tent and a bottle of lube. Time’s up for daydreaming, though, since Russell and Erik drop in…literally. I don’t know why Sookie didn’t just run over them and keep driving. It’s like she wants to get caught.
Back at Merlotte’s, either Holly the “Wiccan” is secretly evil and/or not a Wiccan at all, or the writers don’t quite understand Wicca and the Wiccan Rede. I’m also trying to figure out how long it’s been since Rene died. I thought it was about five years ago. But pregnant Arlene isn’t even showing yet. So, all of last season and all of this season took place…in a month or two? Wait. So that means that Jason was addicted to V, then went to Church camp, then defeated a maenad, then became a fake cop all in the past month…or less? The boy is more industrious than I thought.
Lafayette wakes up and finds all his dolls and fetishes are talking to him. I know the feeling. Many a time I’ve woken up to Lobot and Man-E-Faces telling me to burn things. I have a feeling Lafayette’s gang is trying to warn him. Will he listen? Probably not.
Back at Merlotte’s, the only bar in town, Tara and Sam get drunk as Tara talks about how unlikable she is. (The writers are clearly trying to win me over with this episode.) Sam talks about how people think he’s only good at being a good guy. His awkward tirade in the bar earlier sort of proves that. Boring and unlikable decide they might as well have sex. While they’re doing that, Tommy pays another visit to the bar’s safe. He may not be able to read, but he can disable alarms and crack safes. Good for Tommy!
After her “Wiccan” ritual, Arlene pays a visit to dreamland. You can tell because it’s the same lighting as Sookie’s fairy dreams. Terry wakes her up in a pool of blood, and she couldn’t be happier. So, it’s off to the hospital, but maybe after a quick stop at Starbucks first.
Meanwhile, Jason returns home and decides that an inbred panther girlfriend is better than nothing in a town like Bon Temps. He’s probably right. Though Tommy is available and just came into some money. Jason could teach him to read!
Back to the grownups. Somehow Erik got Russell all the way to Fangtasia before telling him about Sookie. I’m grateful they dispense with any more exposition and just start snacking on Sookie. Being drained as often as she is can’t be healthy.
Quick question. Did anyone think the “Wiccan” abortion was actually going to work? Doctor Santa comes in and tells Terry and Arlene the baby is very strong and more than likely satanic. No, he doesn’t really say that, but he does call it a “critter.” All of this reminds me of Soap, when Corrine’s baby was possessed. Can anyone in Bon Temps do an exorcism? I will totally be on board next season if Tara’s mom becomes a baby exorcist. It’s sure to be a booming business in this town.
Finally, we learn that Erik’s brilliant plan is to slurp some Sookie, then trick Russell out into the sunlight. That’s it? That’s the plan? Well, at least he strokes Sookie’s hair while he drains her. He’s sweet like that. Juiced up on fairy blood, Erik goes outside and quickly realizes that Shreveport looks much better in the dark. The plan works, but makes no sense. These bitches can fly, so you’re telling me a pair of silver handcuffs can handicap a vamp as strong as Russell? Poor Erik’s face is starting to sizzle, which remind me that I’m almost out of 30 SPF moisturizer.
The End.
No True Blood next week. The season finale is Sunday, September 12 at 9/8c on HBO. So, what did you think? Should Lafayette overlook the warnings about Jesus? Should Jason dump Crystal and teach Tommy to read? Should Pam turn summer into a bad-ass vamp chick? Let us know what you think in the comments section or over in the TV Forum.
TV Recap: Faeries and Vampires and Demon Babies…Oh My!
By Chance
August 30, 2010 at 12:01AM EDT
Welcome to the penultimate episode of season three of True Blood. Initially, I fast forwarded through the Jason stuff, but then felt bad, so I went back and watched it all. So, I can honestly say I watched every minute of “Fresh Blood.” But please feel free to let me know if I left out anything important. And if you haven’t seen the episode yet, beware. SPOILERS aplenty!
Since this episode is on opposite the Emmy Awards, they do a cute “In Memorium” segment to start the show. We get to see everyone who’s ever met a grisly end in Bon Temps. It’s a long list, because no one ever dies of natural causes in Bon Temps.
I happen to be watching this episode on a TV that’s at least 20 years old, and I have to say the vamps look better on a non-HD television. Especially Bill. In HD, the vamp makeup can look a little cakey. But on an old, slightly blurry TV, he looks fine (and even youthful) as he rushes into Fangtasia to save Sookie from Pam. Pam’s a smart girl (and a smart ass) and blasts Bill in the face with some liquid silver that’s “in stock and overpriced” at the local health food store. Just out of curiosity, I might have to add that to my Whole Foods shopping list.
I think we can all agree that Jesus is bad news. He’s hiding something. Whether that’s a penchant for the dark arts or some evil plan for Lafayette, I don’t know. But now he’s also a V-head. (V-fiend? Vaddict?) And I guess that’s fair. Everyone’s in love with someone horrible on this show, so there’s a kind of equality in the gays being all f**ked up, too. Lafayette shows amazing restraint in showing Jesus the door, though. It’s certainly more will power than I could muster. I’d be like, “So you’re some kind of freaky witch doctor monster? Whatever. Take your shirt off.”
True Blood must donate screen time to stupid people as part of a community service agreement, because here’s Jason and Crystal. We all know that Jason’s dumb, but he’s just the regular kind of dumb. Crystal, on the other hand, appears to be inbred dumb, which is a whole other kind of dumb. And, frankly, I’m alarmed that Jason isn’t more alarmed by this. If I were Jason, I’d want to know up front just how closely related Crystal’s parents are.
The slightly smarter couple on the show is up next. Hoyt and Jessica. Ahh, they’re back together, and romance is in the air. Jessica confesses killing the trucker as if she’s confessing to dating some other guy while she and Hoyt were “on a break.” Hoyt takes it very well, probably because he’s high on V. He tells Jessica, “Eat me.” And he means it. When Hoyt unzips his hoodie, no one on the planet could resist. Jess gets on top and sinks her pointy fangs into his luscious man flesh. This is hotter than it should be. It’s like Hoyt’s finally agreeing to let Jessica use the strap-on, and we get to watch.
Thinking about Erik’s plight, I realize that I’ve never forgiven anyone for anything…ever. So I’m wondering if I could hold a grudge for 1,000 years. I’m guessing I could. Russell is dismissive of Erik’s vengeance, though. Plus, Erik’s goofy ringtone doesn’t help. What the hell was that? It sounds familiar, but I just couldn’t place it. Despite the faux pas, Russell picks up his tub of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Talbot” and agrees to follow Erik.
Next, we’re treated to a brief scene of Tara crying. But, really, I think we all could have guessed that whether she’s onscreen or off, Tara’s probably crying. Back at Merlotte’s, Sam is on a rampage. Actually, I like Evil Sam. He reminds me of me. I supervised a staff of people once, with very similar results. You can get drunk and yell at people and call them names and fire them, but can you do it every day? Sadly, no. At some point you have to apologize and try to be nice. Sam did his best to be mean, but I’m just not buying it.
Jason heads to the high school football field, because I guess that’s what straight guys do when they need time to think about their inbred werepanther girlfriends. I think there should be a spin-off focusing on the teens of Bon Temps, called Bon Temps High or True Blood, Jr. Kitch is on V, like everyone else in town, and he’s going to use it to break Jason’s precious football record. Defeated, Jason figures he might as well shack up with Crystal.
In a surprise twist, we learn that Hoyt’s mama has been behind Summer‘s romantic pursuits. Oh god, I hope Summer becomes a vampire. Summer as a vampire would be awesome: baking, collecting dolls and drinking blood. Who could turn her? Maybe Pam? Erik told her to sire a vamp if/when he croaks. Make it so.
It’s no secret that I’ve been praying for the death of Tara for three seasons now, hoping each and every episode will be her last. And yet, tonight, when she isn’t speaking, just staring down Andy, she’s actually good! Then, when she shuts up during Andy’s confession and does more staring, she’s still good! I think I’m on to something here. If we can just convince the show creators to make Tara a non-speaking, glaring-only role, I will stop wishing harm on her. Still, even at her non-speaking best, Andy still acts circles around her. His apology is heartfelt and sincere. I cried little bloody tears.
You know that whenever characters talk about being happy and start making plans, that everything’s going to get all f**ked up, right? Well, Sookie and Bill don’t know this, because they have a sweet little scene where they talk about having a normal life. Sookie imagines what it’s like not being a waitress, which is funny, because she hasn’t waited tables since season one. Bill talks about going fishing with Jason, and I assume, overnight camping trips with one tent and a bottle of lube. Time’s up for daydreaming, though, since Russell and Erik drop in…literally. I don’t know why Sookie didn’t just run over them and keep driving. It’s like she wants to get caught.
Back at Merlotte’s, either Holly the “Wiccan” is secretly evil and/or not a Wiccan at all, or the writers don’t quite understand Wicca and the Wiccan Rede. I’m also trying to figure out how long it’s been since Rene died. I thought it was about five years ago. But pregnant Arlene isn’t even showing yet. So, all of last season and all of this season took place…in a month or two? Wait. So that means that Jason was addicted to V, then went to Church camp, then defeated a maenad, then became a fake cop all in the past month…or less? The boy is more industrious than I thought.
Lafayette wakes up and finds all his dolls and fetishes are talking to him. I know the feeling. Many a time I’ve woken up to Lobot and Man-E-Faces telling me to burn things. I have a feeling Lafayette’s gang is trying to warn him. Will he listen? Probably not.
Back at Merlotte’s, the only bar in town, Tara and Sam get drunk as Tara talks about how unlikable she is. (The writers are clearly trying to win me over with this episode.) Sam talks about how people think he’s only good at being a good guy. His awkward tirade in the bar earlier sort of proves that. Boring and unlikable decide they might as well have sex. While they’re doing that, Tommy pays another visit to the bar’s safe. He may not be able to read, but he can disable alarms and crack safes. Good for Tommy!
After her “Wiccan” ritual, Arlene pays a visit to dreamland. You can tell because it’s the same lighting as Sookie’s fairy dreams. Terry wakes her up in a pool of blood, and she couldn’t be happier. So, it’s off to the hospital, but maybe after a quick stop at Starbucks first.
Meanwhile, Jason returns home and decides that an inbred panther girlfriend is better than nothing in a town like Bon Temps. He’s probably right. Though Tommy is available and just came into some money. Jason could teach him to read!
Back to the grownups. Somehow Erik got Russell all the way to Fangtasia before telling him about Sookie. I’m grateful they dispense with any more exposition and just start snacking on Sookie. Being drained as often as she is can’t be healthy.
Quick question. Did anyone think the “Wiccan” abortion was actually going to work? Doctor Santa comes in and tells Terry and Arlene the baby is very strong and more than likely satanic. No, he doesn’t really say that, but he does call it a “critter.” All of this reminds me of Soap, when Corrine’s baby was possessed. Can anyone in Bon Temps do an exorcism? I will totally be on board next season if Tara’s mom becomes a baby exorcist. It’s sure to be a booming business in this town.
Finally, we learn that Erik’s brilliant plan is to slurp some Sookie, then trick Russell out into the sunlight. That’s it? That’s the plan? Well, at least he strokes Sookie’s hair while he drains her. He’s sweet like that. Juiced up on fairy blood, Erik goes outside and quickly realizes that Shreveport looks much better in the dark. The plan works, but makes no sense. These bitches can fly, so you’re telling me a pair of silver handcuffs can handicap a vamp as strong as Russell? Poor Erik’s face is starting to sizzle, which remind me that I’m almost out of 30 SPF moisturizer.
The End.
No True Blood next week. The season finale is Sunday, September 12 at 9/8c on HBO. So, what did you think? Should Lafayette overlook the warnings about Jesus? Should Jason dump Crystal and teach Tommy to read? Should Pam turn summer into a bad-ass vamp chick? Let us know what you think in the comments section or over in the TV Forum.
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