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True Blood: High Comedy

By Chance

True Blood: High Comedy

July 29, 2012 at 5:37AM EDT

On occasion, True Blood drops the melodrama for an episode, and instead focuses on the comedy. But in all the years of watching this show, I’ve never seen anything as near an all-out parody as “Somebody That I Used to Know.” Is it because Stephen “Vampire Bill” Moyer is directing? Does being an actor on the series give him a unique perspective on the more humorous aspects of life in Bon Temps? Whatever the reason, this episode was full of high comedy.

First up, Sheriff Andy arrests the moonshine-drinking redneck Sam caught last week and promptly calls him a “buttplug.” Realizing the shifter-killers are everywhere, Nora goes nuts and wants to kill them all. Sam calms her down and assures her that he’s on it. Great, that always works out well. Nora agrees and suddenly goes all gooey and turns into Sam. Doppelganger hijinks are bound to ensue.

Still drunk on the blood of Lilith (and a wedding party), the Drac Pack returns to the Authority, tweaking out of their vampire minds. Eric is still brooding over his visit from Godric and is clearly getting real tired of this Authority’s sh*t.

At Sookie’s, she’s faerie blasting her power away, like she’s Sailor Moon punishing the Negaverse on behalf of the Moon. Sook tells Jason she’s tired of being a freak. She wants to be normal. This is just like that scene in X-Men, where she tells Bobby she wants the mutant cure. Jason says normal’s overrated, and he’s right. I’ve never been normal, and it’s worked out just fine for me, thank you very much. Plus, Jason reminds her of all the cool stuff she’s done, like loving Bill and talking to their dead grandmother. Of course, loving Bill turned into a nightmare, and it’s Sookie’s fault that Gran is dead, but he wisely leaves that part out. 
 
Channeling every body-switching comedy ever, Nora (as Sam) sashays out of the hospital, giving everyone a nice shot of her/his shifter ass.

When last we left Jessica, she was sucking on some college boy’s thigh, so how did she get to Fangtasia? You’re turning into a gay man, Jess. A redneck in fangbanger disguise offers Jess the chance to drink his milkshake, and she leads him out of the bar. Seriously, Jess. That’s a terrible pickup line, and even though I plan to use it the next time I’m awkwardly hitting on someone at a con, you should be ashamed. 
 
The Drac Pack hangs out and comes down from their high together. It’s like Sunday morning in a frat basement. Russell and the gang wax euphoric about killing innocent people and drinking their delicious blood. Just like Sunday morning in a frat basement. Eric wants to leave and, in a bromantic moment for the ages, asks Bill if he’s coming with. Bill declines. Stupid, stupid Bill.

So far, Director/Vampire Bill has shown us Sam’s ass and Eric’s love/trust for Bill. And now…we finally get to see Alcide’s ass! He’s giving his best Big Dick Richie performance for his she-wolf sparring partner. They growl and lick at each other, which is disgusting, then Alcide throws her across the room. Werewolves are gross. Now…I paused and slow-mo’d this scene so many times, Time Warner called and told me to knock it off. Where the hell is Alcide’s dick? He goes full frontal, and yet has no penis. Not cool, Director/Vampire Bill. Not cool. 

Salome invites Bill to her quarters and offers him a pleading sacrifice, but he refuses. Instead, he has a flashback to his daughter’s deathbed. He looks fabulous, but she doesn’t look so good. She asks him to turn her, but he refuses. “Immortality is a curse,” he says, as he flips his hair and winks at himself in the mirror. Everlasting life and fabulous shoes? You’ll hate it, he tells her. Back in the present, Salome keeps nagging him to drink the girl’s milshake. You know what, Salome? Why don’t you go do a dance or something. Bill would never…Okay, just like Angel and Stefan before him, Bill gives in and drinks, you know, just for the fun of it. 

Meanwhile, the moonshine-drinking rednecks have a surprise for Hoyt. Yup, it’s Jessica. They want him to shoot Jessica with wooden bullets to prove he’s over her. Last week, you were wearing eyeliner and leather, Hoyt. Who do you think you are all of a sudden? Let Jess go, pop your collar, and get the hell out of there!

Sookie and Jason go back to the faerie bar to get more powers for Sook. Claude and the Claudettes suddenly don’t care, because their whims change from scene-to-scene. Finally, the shrill tone of Sookie’s whining forces them to agree to meet her at the bridge where her parents died. Noon. Why they didn’t do it at night, I have no idea, unless shooting at night is getting too expensive.

Lafayette is driving back from his road trip from hell, and he’s looked better. Lafayette, girl, you need some Neosporin on those lips. He pulls over and finds Jesus’s first aid kit and ID badge, as well as some V to heal his wounds. Suddenly, Jesus shows up, and they’re both wearing purple! Awkward. Lafayette and his ghost boyfriend then drive off into the sunset and their own wacky sitcom spin-off.
 
Andy interrogates the shifter-shooter and upgrades his “buttplug” assessment to “fuck stick,” which is still butt-related, I think. Andy then decides to play good cop/bad shifter and lets Sam go all Cobra Commander on Fuck Stick. Sam gets the Jessica deets out of him, then Luna shows up for some Sam-on-Sam lovin’. Goofy, but also kind of hot. Come on! If you were Sam, you’d do yourself. Don’t lie. 

Claude and the Claudettes explain the ways of the Force to Sookie. She’s got to tap into her midichlorians in order to see the past. Sookie sees the death of her parents and accidentally mind-melds with the vampire who killed them. God, Sookie, can’t you do anything right?

Back at redneck HQ, Hoyt monologues about his broken heart, then asks the question you should never ask anyone ever. “Why don’t you love me anymore?” Oh, Hoyt. Jess gives him the old “it’s not you, it’s me; I’m a vampire” speech, and he lets her go. Who can they pair Hoyt with now? Why not Jason? He’s 1/8th faeries, which means 1/8th bisexual to me.

In the least interesting subplot ever, Arlene and Holly go to see Lafayette for help dealing with the fire spirit. Somehow, Lafayette has turned into the sassiest black woman ever and refuses to help…for less than $300.

Andy and the Sams find and rescue Jessica, and Luna (as Sam) starts freaking out. Shifting into humans isn’t good for you, remember? Though I wish someone would shift into Alcide and do a proper full frontal scene to make up for the earlier cop-out.

Claude is concerned that Sookie connected with a vampire. Remember, things that faeries care about change from scene to scene, so for now, this is a big deal to them. Sook remembers Claudene calling the vampire “Werlo.” Werlo? Seriously? Not Bill? Not Russell? Werlo? Sigh. Fine, bring on Werlo.  
 
At Fangtasia, an old high school nemesis of Tara’s shows up way too late in the episode to be relevant and starts insulting Tara. Why is she there? What does she want? Not important, because Pam breaks up the escalating fight. 

Can I tell you how much I hate werewolves? Maybe it’s because I’m not a dog person. Of course, I hated the werepanthers, too. Are there any smart werewolves? Are they all just blissfully gross? At the tournament of dogs, Alcide forfeits to save a cute track star, then goes after DJ…or JD..or…who cares?
 
Eric visits Nora and kindly informs her that she’s insane. He also says he’s loved her for 600 years, even though he’s never mentioned her until this season. He tries to deprogram her, but it’s no use. She drank the Flavor-Aid (e.g., Lilith’s blood), and there’s no turning back. Nora then starts dissing Godric, and Eric knocks her down. Just kill her, Eric! No one throws shade at Godric!
 
Sam comforts himself (Luna) on the couch. Honestly, I hope she stays like this for the rest of the season. Sam tells him/her everything will be okay and he leans in for a kiss on the forehead. Before he can slip himself some tongue, though, Luna turns back into herself and barfs. There’s been a lot of barf this season.

Back at Fangtasia, Pam surprises Tara with a gift. It’s the high school megabitch who was in the bar earlier for absolutely no reason! I get that they’re building the Pam/Tara relationship here, but does it have to be so clunky? Why was a prissy, racist socialite in Fangtasia anyway?

JD catches the cute track star, but Alcide catches up and rescues him again. He takes on JD and loses. Before JD can smash Alcide with a rock for that psych-out full frontal scene earlier, Martha shows up and scolds JD. He lets Alcide live. For now. Does anyone care about werewolf politics? Anyone?
 
Patrick and Terry are lured back to Bon Temps for a seance with Lafayette, Arlene and Holly. Lafayette is doing his best impersonation of Whoopi from Ghost and, sure enough, Zifira the Wronged shows up, and she’s pissed. She doesn’t want to call off the curse, unless, as Lafayette puts it, “Terry, baby, you got to kill Patrick.” Patrick runs. 

Hoyt hitchhikes away from Jessica and redneck HQ and flags down a truck. Hoyt acknowledges the driver as “a friendly face,” but we don’t see who it is. Whoever it is must have seen Goth Hoyt’s outfit from a couple of weeks ago, because he or she pulls a gun on him. Who would want to shoot Hoyt?! And will Jessica show up to save him?

Sookie has another faerie vision of Werlo the Vampire. He says he’s coming for her. If Sookie had a real sense of humor, she would have said, “It must be Thursday” again, but she seems to take this one more seriously. Now that they’ve neutered Russell and killed Roman, they need a new Big Bad.

Back at the Authority, the Drac Pack starts making plans to take over the world. (Russell and Steve make plans to go to Hong Kong for massages.) Proving he’s completely turned to the Dark Side, Bill suggests blowing up Tru Blood factories, so mainstreamers are forced to feed on humans. Eric gives him a surprised look and says, “What is your damage, Heather?” Bill proclaims he’s evolving. But do Sanguinists even believe in evolution? I’m so confused.