Oy, I did not need to see this first thing in the morning.
As you know, I get a slew of emails from toy sellers every morning. Or maybe they come in the middle of the night. Who knows? The point is that it’s like getting the Sears Wishbook every single day, and I love it. But sometimes I’m baffled by what the people in charge choose to preserve in plastic and then sell to me. Today’s WTF toy moment is brought to you by the good people at Gentle Giant. They have produced what can only be described as the ickiest statue in the history of the world. Clone Wars mega-bitch Asajj Ventress drapes herself all over hot nonagenarian Count Dooku as, I assume, a bunch of battle droids watch and say stupid things like, “Roger-roger.” Here’s what’s wrong with this picture:
1. Besides some metal bikinis and a few sibling smooches, there is no sexuality in Star Wars.
2. Admittedly, there ain’t much to choose from in terms of evil hotties. Among General Grievous, Emperor Palpatine and Count Dooku, I suppose Dooku is the less horrific of the bunch. But still, I think I would bend over for Jar Jar before Dooku. (Though I would prefer Bail Organa. Mmm….Jimmy Smits.)
3. Asajj is just not good girlfriend material. True, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I have seen a lot of Meg Ryan movies, so I think I know how they should behave. Can you imagine calling your little Sith Witch and saying, “Hey, Asajj. I know it’s short notice, but Emperor Palpatine wants to come over for dinner. I know, I know. Could you…I know…could you whip something up? Yeah. He likes your pot roast, but doesn’t that take too long?” I don’t see it happening.
So for only $229.99, you can have this creepy mating of creepy characters next to your bed for conjugal inspiration. Yowza! “Oh, Dooku! Tell me about Sauron! Oo yeah! I like it when you take your teeth out!”
Actually, I think the piece itself is well done and aesthetically pleasing. It just terrifies me in a way because I know some Star Wars fan is looking at it and wishing they were Ventress so they could drape themselves all over Christopher Lee.
I’d do that punk Darth Maul, with those tattoos and the rotten teeth.
Razz-Bel 09/05/2008 06:46 pm
I would bend over for a room full of clones of Jango Fett! But why would you bend over for THAT Gungan? Can you imagine? “Mesa gonna blow some goo all over yous! Owee-Owee!” Dooku looks soo uninterested.
Tallstar 09/05/2008 11:03 am
No idea who Asajj Ventress is. She reminds me of a Hellraiser cenobite.
Yeah.. thats pretty unpleasant.
But on the plus side, neither of them really look that interested in eachother.
Perhaps Ventress was just a little tired after a duelling session and didn’t think Dooku would notice if she used him as a public leaning post.
Hot Steamy Sith Love
By Chance
September 05, 2008 at 9:01AM EDT
Oy, I did not need to see this first thing in the morning.
As you know, I get a slew of emails from toy sellers every morning. Or maybe they come in the middle of the night. Who knows? The point is that it’s like getting the Sears Wishbook every single day, and I love it. But sometimes I’m baffled by what the people in charge choose to preserve in plastic and then sell to me. Today’s WTF toy moment is brought to you by the good people at Gentle Giant. They have produced what can only be described as the ickiest statue in the history of the world. Clone Wars mega-bitch Asajj Ventress drapes herself all over hot nonagenarian Count Dooku as, I assume, a bunch of battle droids watch and say stupid things like, “Roger-roger.” Here’s what’s wrong with this picture:
1. Besides some metal bikinis and a few sibling smooches, there is no sexuality in Star Wars.
2. Admittedly, there ain’t much to choose from in terms of evil hotties. Among General Grievous, Emperor Palpatine and Count Dooku, I suppose Dooku is the less horrific of the bunch. But still, I think I would bend over for Jar Jar before Dooku. (Though I would prefer Bail Organa. Mmm….Jimmy Smits.)
3. Asajj is just not good girlfriend material. True, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I have seen a lot of Meg Ryan movies, so I think I know how they should behave. Can you imagine calling your little Sith Witch and saying, “Hey, Asajj. I know it’s short notice, but Emperor Palpatine wants to come over for dinner. I know, I know. Could you…I know…could you whip something up? Yeah. He likes your pot roast, but doesn’t that take too long?” I don’t see it happening.
So for only $229.99, you can have this creepy mating of creepy characters next to your bed for conjugal inspiration. Yowza! “Oh, Dooku! Tell me about Sauron! Oo yeah! I like it when you take your teeth out!”
Too far?
Comments
A crazy psycho chick and Tallstar doesn’t know who she is??? I am shocked and surprised
Actually, I think the piece itself is well done and aesthetically pleasing. It just terrifies me in a way because I know some Star Wars fan is looking at it and wishing they were Ventress so they could drape themselves all over Christopher Lee.
I’d do that punk Darth Maul, with those tattoos and the rotten teeth.
I would bend over for a room full of clones of Jango Fett! But why would you bend over for THAT Gungan? Can you imagine? “Mesa gonna blow some goo all over yous! Owee-Owee!” Dooku looks soo uninterested.
No idea who Asajj Ventress is. She reminds me of a Hellraiser cenobite.
You are too funny, Mr. Havoc.
Yeah.. thats pretty unpleasant.
But on the plus side, neither of them really look that interested in eachother.
Perhaps Ventress was just a little tired after a duelling session and didn’t think Dooku would notice if she used him as a public leaning post.
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