FBOTU’s Weekly Comics Load: From Cross Dressing to Iron Fisting

By Chance

August 23, 2010 at 2:35PM EDT

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Reading and re-reading this week’s Comics Load, I hope it doesn’t come across as needlessly negative. It was just kind of a lame week in comics. At least the comics that I’m reading. If your comics were outstanding, or if you vehemently disagree with my assessment, please let us know. You can post your comments below or in the Comics Forum. And I guess you don’t have to vehemently disagree in order to post. You can mildly disagree. Or not disagree at all. People have been known to agree with me from time to time. On occasion. Okay, once. All right, never. Now, here’s the Load!

	Batman: Streets of Gotham #15 I don’t have a lot to say about this Two Face storyline, mainly because I’ve never been terribly interested in Mr. Dent or Mr. Face. However, I would like to point out how gorgeous this cover by Dustin Nguyen is. I love when comic book art transcends the genre. As for Two Face, I don’t know why he’s never really resonated with me. Maybe it’s because his unpleasant visage reminds me too much of my own. (Before heavy doses of Accutane and Proactiv, that is.)
	The Boys: Highland Laddie #1 Au revoir, Petite Hughie! Hughie leaves the Boys behind to visit home and try to find himself. There, I’m sure he’ll get embroiled in some drama and find a renewed sense of purpose in his fight against the supers. Meanwhile, am I the only one getting a distinctly unrequited homoerotic vibe between Butcher and Hughie? That would at least make up for the goofy transvestite character they’ve added. Hughie’s childhood friend Bobby is the stereotypical oversized, masculine behemoth writers love to put in a dress for “comedic” effect. He’s a tough guy in a wig! He wears too much makeup! But he still has sex with women, of course. I don’t deny the existence of straight men who cross dress. It would just be nice to see it dealt with realistically for once, instead of the same old joke. This is The Boys, though, so I won’t exactly hold my breath for nuanced subtlety.
	Brightest Day #8 This might be the last issue of Brightest Day I pick up. I’ve just lost interest. Boston Brand’s storyline is cool, but the rest… I’ve never cared so much about Firestorm or the Hawk people. Martian Manhunter is always such a downer. Mera was much cooler as a Red Lantern, and Aquaman is, well, Aquaman. They need to sex this book up and move things along, before it turns into season two of Heroes.
	Deadpool Corps #5 This is how you wrap up a storyline as quickly and ridiculously as possible. While I haven’t gotten into the Deadpool solo titles that much, I have really enjoyed this team-up book. They named their ship the Bea Arthur! How can you not love that? As a comedic title, there’s obviously more emphasis on the jokes than on the plot, but, overall, this first storyline succeeded in a fun and satisfying way. With so many Deadpool titles on the racks, there’s a serious danger of too much of a good thing, but I think if I just stick to one or two, I won’t get completely sick of him, that is, until the inevitable movie comes out.
	Hulk #24 (Comics Load submission by Brian Andersen) It’s Red Hulk vs. Green Hulk in a throw-down for the ages—at least, since the last throw down for the ages in last week’s issue of The Incredible Hulk. As tough and rough as the new red Hulkie has been portrayed over the past three or so years, he sure gets his tight, torn, black cut-off pantaloons handed to him by good old classic green Hulk (still sporting his tried-and-true purple pants, by the way). Also, Bruce Banner is back in control of his aggressive alter ego, and all is right again with the Hulk side of the Marvel U. Now I only wish I were in control over my own aggressive alter ego, but alas, it seems, my chronic masturbation sails along unabated.
	New Avengers #3 (Comics Load submission by Brian Andersen) Frankly, I love the art by Stuart Immonen so mucho-much that I think I’d follow his pencils anywhere, even into a scary, den of death, like a women’s locker-room! Just from the way he draws Ms. Marvel zooming through the air as she’s being propelled by that awesome starburst shooting from her toes, to that sweet action shot of Mockingbird doing some cool spread eagle back-flippy thing (been there, done that), to how cool he manages to make Iron Fist look as he channels his inner Chai Tea Latte, just makes my loins quiver and my brain moist. Still not sure why we need another entire issue of superheroes just running around the city fighting energy demons, but what the hell. I’m still gonna pick this sucka up. Immonen rules!
	Shadowland: Power Man #1 (Comics Load submission by Brian Andersen) Truth be told, I know absolutely nada about this whole Marvel Shadowland event dealio. (I thought Shadowland was an Image Comics imprint). Plus, the name kind of sounds like a bad Twilight novel. I also don’t know much about Power Man (or his suggestively named “partner” Iron Fist), but this being written by the always witty and creative Fred Van Lente, I felt compelled to pick it up. And it’s pretty enjoyable, actually. I mean, I hardly ever read any solo titles featuring men; I could care less about Spidey and Wolvie, but heck if this first issue didn’t win me over. As a first issue the story is easy, fun and fast-paced! (Just like me on a first date!) Color me intrigued to see what comes next. Oh, and here’s hoping this new, young (and hung?) Power Man gets an “iron fist” of his very own. I hear my local sex shop is selling “iron fists” half-off right now.
	Supergirl #55 Instead of reviewing the latest issue of Supergirl, I thought I’d make a list of things I’d rather do than suffer through this Bizarro crap. Let’s see. 1. Have an actual tea party with Tea Party members. 2. Shave my balls with a dull, rusty kitchen knife. 3. Be strapped to a chair like in A Clockwork Orange and watch Titanic nonstop until my head explodes. Have I made myself clear, Supergirl?
	Uncanny X-Men #527 If I were Scott Summers, I think I would take off my glasses and just obliterate all the other X-Men, then I would take the X-Jet to New York and have sex with Hugh Jackman. Why? Because, first all the mutants grumbled that Scott didn’t have what it takes to be a leader. Then he stepped up, became a leader and saved the day. Now, the mutants are grumbling that Scott doesn’t know how to NOT be a leader. What?! Then, if that weren’t confusing enough, Emma’s bangs keep changing from panel to panel again. And you know how hair inconsistency annoys me (I’m looking at you, Black Canary). A weird and disappointing issue, I’m beginning to think I don’t know how to NOT be annoyed with this book. (Comics Load submission by Brian Andersen) Another week, another X-Men cover that doesn’t depict, in any way shape or form, the actual events going on within the story. If this happens again for a third week in a row I’m declaring that something purposely fishy is going on at the mighty Marvel offices! Honestly, I blame the Blob. Yeah, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants Blob. Ever since he lost his super-fat, unmovable powers and turned into a post-op gastric bypass looking depowered mutant—with all that extra skin sagging all over his Mary Kate-ish frame—he’s turned into a total jerk! Or bigger jerk, as he wasn’t that nice to begin with. My theory is that old Blobsy must have gotten himself an editing job at Marvel and is using his new position of power to ruin the rep of his former adversaries by sending out misleading comic covers. Like I said, total jerk!
	The X-Files: 30 Days of Night #2 Mulder and Scully are back in a creepy new tie-in with 30 Days of Night, written by original 30 Days scribe Steve Niles. Niles seems to have a good grasp on Scully and Mulder and keeps character intros and expositions from devolving into sitcom gimmickry. The agents arrive in Wainwright, Alaska to investigate the gruesome mass murder of 16 truck drivers. Since they’ve all been beheaded and drained of blood, Spooky Mulder has his supernatural suspicions, but Scully thinks there must be some other logical explanation. Sure, like maybe it was an accident. The artwork is dark and gruesome, and the setting is genuinely creepy. This is definitely one to read under the covers with a flashlight.

That’s the Load for this week, kids! Happy reading!