FBOTU’s Weekly Comics Load: Snikt!

By Chance

August 17, 2010 at 2:55AM EDT

Now with 30% MORE Brian Andersen!

It has long been my dream to expand the Comics Load to include more titles, more opinions and more of the patented brand of silliness you’ve come to expect from FBOTU. So, I’m very pleased to announce our first steps in that direction. Brian Andersen, writer and creator of So Super Duper and a whole library of other fabulous titles, is joining us this week, filling in a couple of holes in my usual roster of comics. Thanks, Brian! You’ll be seeing more of Brian, as well as other contributors in the weeks ahead. For now, just sit back, relax and enjoy the Load!

Archie #607 (Reviewed by Brian Andersen) How could I not pick up this issue? It’s cute, it’s colorful, it’s a story about Archie meeting the “School Gyrls.” After a quick Google search, I discovered the “Gyrls” are a real-life trio of innocent looking Britney Spears-inspired, Catholic School Girl-dressed, wannabe pop stars. Apparently, their poor, poor misguided management figured the best way for these ladies to hit the big time was to pop up in an Archie comic? *Sigh*  In a few short months, they’ll most likely be wearing nothing but minty dental floss and Scotch tape in a desperate attempt to obtain that elusive thing called fame, seeing as how their appearance in this comic netted them zilch in tween buzz. See you on Celebrity Rehab, Gyrls!

Batgirl #13 Wendy seems to be fitting in nicely in the freaky-ass world of the Bat family. While Barbara is off being tossed off bridges, Wendy is filling in as Steph’s watcher. Since a wheelchair seems to be a prerequisite for the job, I wonder if this means Bruce will be chair-bound when he returns and starts running Batman, Inc. Maybe Alfred will break his legs. In the meantime, sparks are flying between Steph and her dreamy detective friend with the mysterious past. You know things are going well, when you yell at a cute boy to shoot you, but he shoots your lookalike instead. Awww.

Birds of Prey #4 With really sharp writing and non-stop cinematic pacing, Birds of Prey is quickly becoming my favorite title. I don’t know who’s tougher, Black Canary or Barbara Gordon. Either way, the heroines in BoP are pillars of strength, will and ingenuity. Then, just when you think you can’t take any more action or surprises—boom!—Barbara outs Creote to Savant! Aigh! This book is awesome!

Dark Wolverine #89 I’d like to think that if I were being attacked by some freaky Frankenstein monster thing, my father would put our differences aside, pull on his tights and stab the monster in the eye with his adamantium claws. But then, I guess that’s what every child wants. I was somewhat alarmed to learn that Dark Wolverine is ending with the next issue. Luckily, Dakken will be back in September in a new solo outing. Snikt!

The Incredible Hulk #611 (Reviewed by Brian Andersen) It’s a throw-down of gamma proportions as the Incredible Hulk battles the Incredible Half-Hulk/Half-Alien Scar (yeah, barf, there’s, like, a million Hulk-y related characters running around the Marvel U now), in a battle that rages across the United States, breaks into Earth’s outer atmosphere and resolves itself with a nice, big, loving hug (awwww, I’d cry if my jaded fanboy self wasn’t so cold and dead inside). Is it weird to be slightly turned on by two insanely muscle-y men punching and hitting and pounding on each other? No? Great! Now, what if they’re father and son? It’s still not weird, right? Right? Anyone? Oh man, I am a total perv.

Rawhide Kid: The Sensational Seven #3 To paraphrase Heathers, can someone tell me why I’m still reading this goddamn thing? “‘Cause you’re an idiot.” Oh yeah. Rawhide Kid and the jerks pick up Billy the Kid, while that one guy, you know, the bad guy who’s holding the Earp brothers, yeah him, he’s assembling his own group of killers to take them on. Only one more issue to go, then I can slowly feed this mess, page by page, into my tiny, little personal shredder.

Superman #702 I love this new storyline. There’s something deeply satisfying and surprisingly emotional about Superman’s walk across America. He’s always fighting monsters or Brainiacs or robots or monster Brainiac robots, so you lose perspective on just how god-like he is. Now that he’s back amongst humans again, solving smaller problems, it’s hard not to be in awe of him. He’s just smarter and stronger and better than we are. And I have to believe he’s also extremely well-endowed. I mean, he’s Superman. My only complaint about this issue is the all-too-easy deux ex machina at the end, where he uses alien technology to save Detroit. It’s too much of a cop-out for the Man of Steel and for this storyline, which seems to want Supes to try solving a few real-world problems. I want to believe (and see) that he can do anything, even fix the economy. He’s Superman!

Torchwood #1 Can you believe it took me three weeks to track down this bloody, buggery book? I finally found it in bloody, buggery Borders of all places. So, is it worth all the trouble I went to finding it? Yes and no. It certainly has potential. The art in both stories is lovely, varying from photorealistic to highly stylized. The first tale is co-written by John Barrowman himself. The storytelling is a little clunky, though the ideas are quite good. Then, the whole thing just feels rushed. However, I will withhold judgement until after a couple of more issues. Besides, a world where Ianto Jones is still alive, is all the incentive I need to keep reading.

The Unwritten #16 Holy crackers! Everything explodes in this issue, but only manages to raise more questions than answers. Plus, the dead gay guy pulled through and is apparently saving the day! Yay, dead gay guy! This is still a deeply satisfying, rich and lyrical read. There are two volumes out now, collecting issues #1 through #5 and #6 through #12. Go buy them and catch up. You will be seriously glad you did.

X-Men: Curse of the Mutants #2 (Reviewed by Brian Andersen) Surgeon General’s Warning: The events on this cover do not depict in any way, shape or form what actually transpires within the pages of this comic book. So if you’re looking (and hoping) for a Wesley Snipes vs. Hugh Jackman throw-down, you’re sadly gonna have to turn to your favorite Blade meets Wolverine slash fiction site. That being said, it appears a bunch o’ vampires are after the X-Men. So what else is new? Who isn’t gunning for the X-Men these days? Call me when Rainbow Brite or the Care Bears aim their deadly double rainbows at our Mutants. Now, that is a story I can get behind. We all know those Care Bear Stares sting like a bitch—let’s see Wolverine heal from that!