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FBOTU’s GeekTV: Fight the Faeries!

By Chance

November 23, 2010 at 5:01AM EST

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Olivia learns that Bristol Palin is still on Dacing with the Stars.

I love when a TV show can make me yell and scream and jump up and down. Fringe has been unbelievably good this season, and I’m ready to declare it the best sci-fi show on television. Even though our beloved Olivia is trapped in the alternate universe and has become fully aware of who she is and where she’s from, she still wants to help people. In this episode, she’s breaking rules and defying orders to save a boy who’s been abducted by some sort of youth-draining monster. It’s creepy as hell and draws some disturbing parallels between the minister who steals the youth of children and the real-life clergy who essentially do the same through sexual abuse. That’s sci-fi at its best. But the part that made me scream and generally freak out comes at the very end, when our Olivia manages to get a message to Peter, and you can see the realization in his eyes that he’s totally been PWND by Fauxlivia! Stupid boys. Such a great show.

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Next week: CBT!

Clearly, someone in the Smallville production office is a FBOTU fan. Early in the season, after Oliver gets tied naked to a chair, I made some smart-ass comment about wanting to see more superhero S&M from the Smallville gang. Now I wish I had asked for more, because all my dreams have come true this season. In this episode, Ollie gets tied up AGAIN, and he’s not alone. Aquaman (Alan Ritchson) returns for the sole purpose of being chained, spead-eagle, in mid-air, wearing only the bottoms of his super swimmer ensemble. Meanwhile, Ollie works up a sweat on the treadmill, then enjoys a little water boarding, before he’s bound up in a tank in a scene I swear I’ve seen at the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco once or twice. Now, as much as I’m enjoying this never-ending supply of fantasy material, all of this could have been avoided if any of these guys had just watched Battlestar Galactica. If they had, they would have known right away that guest star Michael Hogan (aka Final Fivester Colonel Saul Tigh) was nothing but trouble. I’m all for Deathstroke joining the fun, but I have to wonder if producers just went down a list of guys who could believably wear an eye patch and came up with Michael Hogan. Maybe Brendan Gleeson and Kurt Russell were busy.

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Luckiest actress in Hollywood. Bitch.

Few sci-fi/fantasy shows can pull off a comedic episode, but I’ve got to hand it to the Supernatural gang. They’ve always found a way to weave humor into the proceedings. This week’s episode, “Clap Your Hands If You Believe,” does little to further the goal of getting Sam’s soul back, but it does help us understand his soullessness a little better. Sam without a soul is like that guy who promises he won’t cum in your mouth, but then he totally does, and you’re like, “Dude!” And he’s all, “I couldn’t help it!” And you’re like, “I told you to warn me! Now I’m gonna have a sperm stomach ache all day!” Then he’s all, “Whatever, man.” Yeah, Sam’s like that. And, frankly, it’s kind of hot. He knows he’s supposed to care about his brother’s feelings and well-being, but he’d rather be banging some hippie chick. In this episode, we take a slight detour from the religious mythos and dive into the realm of faeries, elves and leprechauns. Poor Dean gets abducted (and possibly probed) by what he thinks are aliens, but actually turn out to be a malicious band of faerie folk. Sam does his best to care about his brother’s series of skirmishes with the faerie hooligans, but it isn’t until Dean is locked up for an anti-faerie hate crime of sorts, that Sam takes over and gets the job done. Overall, a really funny episode and nice break from the heaven and hell stuff. Plus, the X-Files opening is perfect! “Fight the faeries!”

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Take his shirt off before you chain him to a tree! Have you learned nothing from Smallville?

I’m not sure what’s making me gag more: the treacly recollections of characters who are blatantly telegraphing their own demise, or the graphic and bloody nature of that eventual demise. Either way, The Walking Dead has me gagging. This episode is a marked improvement over the last couple of outings, mainly because characters are given a chance to do something outside of just being a stereotype. Our heroes return to Atlanta to rescue Merle, but Merle has freed himself (via a little hacksaw surgery) and is nowhere to be found. The living retrieve the guns Rick dropped last time, but before they can get the hell out of Dodge, they must first rescue Glenn from a rival group of survivors. Meanwhile, back at the camp, Jim is making everyone nervous by compulsively digging graves. I can see how this might put people on edge. Enter Shane, who’s very good at beating people up. Just ask Ed. He’s the guy over there with no face. The final moments of this episode will undoubtedly satisfy the zombie gore fans out there, and it does raise enough questions to bring me back for another week. As a side note, it might interest you to know that Atlanta has the third largest gay population in the US. Strangely, there are no gay characters on this show. But since we’re in Atlanta, how about swinging by Mary’s or Three-Legged Cowboy to see if there are any sexy gay southern boys barricading themselves inside? Who needs guns, when you have cocktails and go-go boys? That’s the show I’d rather be watching right now.

So, what’s on your DVR this week? Let us know what you’re watching in the comments section! Now, go watch some TV!