Movies
Daniel Radcliffe gets the Potter scared out of him by Hammer Studios and The Woman In Black. And you will, too. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN MILD SPOILERS! Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe) is a young widower still shaken up over the death of his wife four years earlier while giving birth to their son Joseph. In order to support his struggling family and save his job at a law firm,…
A pale woman in a vinyl catsuit opened fire indiscriminately today. Among the casualties were Plot and Consistency. She should be considered armed and extremely British. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN MILD SPOILERS! (ALSO, BANG BANG! SLICE SLICE!) Shortly after the events of Underworld: Evolution, vampire warrior Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and her vampire/werewolf hybrid lover…
The subject doesn’t come up very often here on FBOTU, but I have to confess, there was a time when I was a total Disney queen. My home was adorned in Disney art; I attended opening night screenings at Disney’s El Capitan theater for every new release; I was an annual passholder at Disneyland. I even convinced a cute cast member to give me a private Jungle Cruise…
It could just be the Nyquil martinis talking, but I think I’m ready to declare Magic Mike the best movie of 2012. Will it be Showgirls bad? Or will it be Full Monty good? I honestly don’t care, because Joe Manganiello is playing a character named Big Dick Richie. That’s really all I need to know. In case this is the first you’ve heard of Magic Mike,…
David Fincher proves that darkness and brutality transcend language barriers—as does excellent filmmaking—in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, a new adaptation of the best-selling novel. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN MILD SPOILERS! (NOTE: This is a review solely of the 2011 adaptation of the novel. As I have not seen the original Swedish film or read the book, I will be judging…
The original brilliant, antisocial, probably insane detective returns to save the world, outwit the bad guys and make smoldering glances at his best friend in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. WARNING: YOU MAY DEDUCE THAT THIS CONTAINS MILD SPOILERS! Brilliant London detective Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) has finally met his match in the equally genius but morally…
The Muppets make a triumphant return to big-screen form in a film that’s funny, touching, exhilarating and refreshingly retro. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN MILD SPOILERS AND/OR MAHNA MAHNA! Walter (Peter Linz) and Gary (Jason Segel) are brothers living in Smalltown, USA. They’re as close as people can be, even though Gary is a tall, goofy human and Walter is a…
A bevy of Bronze Age beefcakes face off in something that resembles Greek myth if you kind of squint at it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. WARNING: THE ORACLE FORESEES POSSIBLE MILD SPOILERS! After the Greek Gods were victorious in their war against fellow immortals the Titans, the Titans were imprisoned forever in Mount Tartarus. The brutal king Hyperion…
I was leery about moving to New York, because it seemed like nothing cool ever happened there. But move I did, and boy am I glad, because on November 12–13, the International Quidditch Association (IQA) will host the 2011 Quidditch World Cup on Randall’s Island in New York City! This weekend, 95 college quidditch teams will descend on the Big Apple to compete in a…
In Time. A cerebral sci-fi film without a single explosion and starring Justin Timberlake? Yes, and it’s surprisingly, almost shockingly good. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS THAT WILL COST YOU EXTRA MINUTES! In the world of In Time, time is quite literally money. The human genome has been modified so that people cease aging once they hit the age of 25. However, at…
Roland Emmerich grows tired of destroying civilization as we know it and decides to focus on destroying Shakespeare with Anonymous. This goes about as well as you might expect. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN MILD SPOILERS AND MIGRAINES FOR HISTORY MAJORS! Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans) is a highly talented playwright and poet. However, due to numerous factors,…
If you’re planning a Halloween movie night, or if you just want to get into the spirit of the season, here’s a list of my Top 10 Favorite Horror Movies, roughly in order. I’ve tried to keep my descriptions as spoiler-free as possible. So, turn down the lights, lock the doors and enjoy an evening of cinematic thrills and chills! 1. Nosferatu: A Symphony…
It’s one for all and all for WTF when Paul W. S. Anderson goes medieval on French literature. Just go with it. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN MILD SPOILERS COVERED IN GEARS! (NOTE: This review is based on the 2-D version of the film.) The legendary Three Musketeers—leader Athos (Matthew Macfayden), strongman Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and dashing Aramis (Luke Evans)—have…
Also known by its working titles of Night Of The Living Preppies and Stop The Chainsaw Massacre, I Want To Get Off! In Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil, Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are two well-meaning but simple hillbillies looking to enjoy some time away in the cabin Tucker has just purchased. At the same time, a group of obnoxious college kids has chosen the…
Taylor Lautner is attractive and his nice abs. And guns go bang bang. Film: Abduction Starring: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Sigourney Weaver, Alfred Molina, Michael Nyqvist Written by: Shawn Christensen Directed by: John Singleton Genre: Action, thriller, teensploitation Rating: 2 out of 10 / D- WARNING: THIS REVIEW MAY HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY MILD SPOILERS! Nathan…
We now return to our current apocalypse, already in progress. Film: Contagion Starring: Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet, Marion Cotillard Written by: Scott Z. Burns Directed by: Steven Soderbergh Genre: Thriller, drama, science fiction Rating: 8 out of 10 / A- WARNING: SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMED BY THOSE ALLERGIC TO MILD SPOILERS!…
