"Now, if Marvel really wanted to show the reader what was going on in this long-winded, exposition-heavy issue, they should have just typed up a bunch of rambling words, stuck them on the cover and had the X-Men snoring away in the background from sheer boredom."
-Brian Andersen on Astonishing X-Men #35
I knew I shouldn’t have made fun of the True Blood t-shirts in my post the other day, because they would actually be the perfect attire for Vampire-Con. Polish your fangs and powder your faces, because the children of the night are descending on Hollywood, California August 14-16 to celebrate all things vampire. Want to know the best part? This is a very inclusive bunch of vampire fans. Check out their sexy trailer for the con:
Wow! You won’t see Jem-Con rolling out the rainbow carpet like that. The warm (and bloody) welcome doesn’t stop there, either. Vampire-Con will also host a panel discussion on the allure and sexuality of vampires, featuring the sexy cast of Here!‘s softcore horror series The Lair. Brian Nolan, David Moretti, Dylan Vox and Peter Stickles are set to appear and discuss the intellectual side of hot gay vamp sex and why we love it so. I’ll be there with fangs on!
We’ll bring you more updates and info as we get closer to the event! You can learn more about Vampire-Con at the official site.
Before we launch into a review of the new Masters of the Universe Classics version of Hordak, let’s take a look back at the character’s history and significance. Way back in Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Five, Mattel changed the landscape of their toyline and the story of Eternia forever. The addition of Hordak and The Evil Horde opened up the story in such a profound way, it’s hard to remember MOTU life before the Horde.
Due to character fatigue and occasional silliness (as depicted in the cartoon, especially), Skeletor was starting to lose his edge. You can get beaten up by a scantily-clad buff blonde boy for only so long, before people start to think you like it. Because they were new and unfamiliar, The Evil Horde arrived on the scene and seemed infinitely more sinister and dangerous than Skeletor and his crew. And yet the arrival of the Horde also succeeded in energizing Skeletor, making him work a little harder and creating a compelling dynamic between villains. As ruthless leader, Hordak possessed an air of aristocracy, what with his cape and weird Elizabethan collar/headpiece thing. And yet he was also terrifying: part vampire, part bat and all creepy. Skeletons are scary, yes, but vampire bat pigs are freakin’ terrifying! As a character and a villain, Hordak captured my imagination and fueled my own toy adventures for years. (Until the cartoon made him just as silly as Skeletor. Oh, Hordak! You lovable curmudgeon!)
But this isn’t a Skeletor vs. Hordak review. It’s all about his Hordeness. To paraphrase Patsy Stone, Hordak is fabulous on an international scale. Wherever Hordak is, is the place to be. (You’re not going to see a Patsy Stone reference in any other Hordak review on the net, by the way.) Online ordering issues aside, Mattel has yet to misstep with this line (knock on wood). Hordak looks great, with the right amount of nostalgia and modern innovation and detail thrown in. I love the addition of his staff and the updated look for Imp. His cape is now attached to his headpiece, which is more clearly detached from his skull, allowing his head to move independently. His armor is unsnappable, but not removable, since it won’t fit over his head. But I was never as interested in seeing Hordak’s bare torso as with other characters. My only complaint with this figure is the crossbow. The old-school version snapped into place on the figure’s forearm. This new version sits loosely in the figure’s grip and doesn’t rest well on his forearm at all. I hope they look into retooling the crossbow for the other Horde members.
So, all these years later, Hordak still commands respect, fear and admiration. Sitting on my shelf among the other characters, he looks ready to steal a baby and flee to Etheria. Actually, he’s so scary looking, he might just eat the baby. Which is fine, too.
On the FBOTU Scale of Fabulousness, Hordak gets 4 out of 5 vampire bat pig emoticons:
For those of you planning your trips to San Diego for Comic-Con, you should know they have a very big car theft problem there. It’s true. They bump you, and when you stop, they mutilate you and then take your car. Now, before you cancel your travel plans, let me reassure you. I was just making use of this week’s Quote of the Week.
Flirting with Disaster is one of my all-time favorite movies. It’s one of those movies that I saw by myself on DVD, laughed like a crazy person, then spent the past decade making everyone I know watch it. Starring Ben Stiller before he became, you know, BEN STILLER, it’s got a dream cast: Patricia Arquette, Tea Leoni, Mary Tyler Moore, George Segal, Lily Tomlin, Alan Alda and Josh Brolin (as a bi cop). If you’ve never seen it, please do so immediately. In a nutshell, it’s about a guy (Stiller) on a road trip to meet his biological parents.
I could quote the whole movie to you right now, but the quote I’m using for QOTW is from an early scene in the movie where Ben Stiller’s father (played by George Segal) warns him about the dangers of San Diego:
“They bump you, and when you stop, they mutilate you and then take your car.”
-Ed Coplin (George Segal), Flirting with Disaster
Yes, har har, very funny. But before you click away, let me explain something. To me a truly successful Quote of the Week must transcend its context and be applicable in everyday life. In my household, “They bump you, and when you stop, they mutilate you and then take your car” is shorthand for any sort of sensational warning. Like in the movie, most of these warnings come from parents who have perhaps opened too many emails from well-meaning friends. This shorthand has actually gotten shorter over the years, and now all I or Long-Suffering Boyfriend or friends in the know have to say is “First, they bump you” and the rest just fall over. Yeah, we might be a little annoying.
So, why am I overexplaining all of this? Well, for the first time ever, I’m opening up the selection of the Quote of the Week to all of you. If you look up above, in the spiffy new header, right under the QOTW title, is a link where you can submit your very own quote. It can be from a movie or a song or a TV show or a book or from a fellow member here on the board. And more than being hilarious or poignant or whatever, I want to know how you use it in your life and vocabulary.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, “I’m seeing colors I don’t want to see.”
It was a tough week in comics. Not because of the books themselves, but because this was my first week away from my Sexy Comics Monger and his fabulous store. Starting all over with a new store and a new comics monger is tough. I didn’t realize how spoiled I had become, waltzing in, my comics waiting on the counter, a friendly snarl from SCM. Until I return, I’ll have to make the best of it with the new place. So maybe I was feeling melancholy, or maybe I was overcompensating, but I bought $60 worth of bloody, buggery comics this week and was determined to read them all. I got through all but a couple, so here’s a brief rundown of what I’ve been reading. Feel free to share your own thoughts and reading lists in the Comics Forum!
FBOTU Comic of the Week
The Outsiders #19: I know, you were expecting Captain America maybe? Well, we’ll get to Cap. This week’s featured comic is just too freaky and over-the-top to ignore. Crazy villains, horrific violence and the wackiest onomatopoeia I’ve seen in a while. We’re talking “whakoom,” “sklang” and “skrakk,” you know, with two k’s. This issue is dripping with blood, severed torsos and explosions, as the Outsiders take on Deathstroke in a bid to recover another piece of the magic, life-sustaining meteorite. But for some reason, the naked cabal who have been after the pieces for the past five issues suddenly decided to wear gray bodysuits for a trip to the office. Why? I have no idea! Everything about this title is weird and gritty and more than slightly disturbing. The only thing that could make this title weirder would be if Ra’s Al Ghul showed up on the last page wearing a polar bear skin. And...there he is.
What a crazy week! It’s weird to think that I was living on the other side of the country a couple of days ago. Needless to say, I’m behind on posting, on reading comics and generally everything else. I’ll post this week’s Comics Load later today or on Saturday. And I have a review of Hordak to share. I’ll get that up this weekend. Thankfully, the one constant you can always count on is FBOTM Friday! FBOTM Friday will always be there, in brightest day, in blackest night, nor rain, nor snow, nor huddled masses can delay its midnight ride. Oh lord, I’m tired. So I shall gaze upon June Fanboy of the Month Kentre‘s dimples, eyes and Incredible Hulk underpants until I’m inspired to catch up on all my other duties. Join me, won’t you?
• Check out the latest shots from Kentre’s photo shoot in the Gallery.
• Read more about Kentre and watch his Intro Video in the FBOTM Lounge.
• Get your desktop calendar, featuring June FBOTM Kentre, on the Downloads page.
If you haven’t picked up a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies for the FBOTU Book Club, you still have three weeks! That’s plenty of time to read the adventures of the zombie-killing Bennet sisters and their pursuit of the living dead and potential husbands. You can get the book at Amazon or wherever early 19th century novels about zombies are sold.
By some grand coincidence, movie adaptations of Jane Austen’s Emma and Pride and Prejudice were on TV this past week. While watching, I couldn’t help expecting hordes of zombies to suddenly appear and break up whatever ball or pastoral scene was going on. I guess I’ll never look at Jane Austen the same way again. So, grab the book and start reading! Or, if you have it already, keep reading! Discussion begins Friday, July 10 in the Forum.
The cast of Marvel‘s upcoming Thor epic is coming together. Australian hottie Chris Hemsworth recently won the title role as our beloved blonde thunder god. Now Marvel has announced that British actor Tom Hiddleston (Suburban Shootout, The Gathering Storm) will play Thor’s trouble-making adopted brother Loki. Given that Mr. Hiddleston is male, we have to assume that director Kenneth Branagh is going for the pre-Straczynski traditional Loki gender, instead of the new, super fabulous female Loki. Which makes sense, I guess, since the film will probably be an origin story. Still, I can’t help holding out hope that Mr. Hiddleston will be playing the role in total glam drag.
Of course that would mean depriving a real female of playing the role. So I’d be equally as happy seeing femme fatale Loki played by Lucy Lawless, Parker Posey or maybe Amy Sedaris.
As part of our new Comics of the Universe feature, I’m pleased to announce we’ll be publishing pages of Brian Andersen and Celina Hernandez’s Reignbow and Dee-Va! New pages will be posted every week for the next month or so, all completely free! Reignbow and Dee-Va chronicles the adventures of two fabulous new superheroes as they battle the forces of evil and still manage to look gorgeous doing it! Brian Andersen is the author of So Super Duper and Unabashedly Billie and is a good friend of the site. You can learn more about Brian, Celina Hernandez and CBG Comics at SoSuperDuper.com! And jump right into the first installment of the story on the Comics of the Universe page. Be sure to tune in every Wednesday for the further technicolor adventures of Reignbow and Dee-Va!
