TV
Where would the horror genre be without stupid white people moving into haunted/possessed/demonized houses? Sometimes they do it on a bet. Sometimes it’s part of a psych experiment. Sometimes they don’t know they’re moving into a haunted house until after they arrive. I try to give those stupid white people the benefit of the doubt, but then they…
Dear Diary- What do you do when you like a boy and he’s totally dreamy, but also kind of evil, and he’s always there for you, except when he’s off killing people, and he’s your missing boyfriend’s brother? Ugh. High school sucks! The title of this week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries is “Disturbing Behavior,” and there’s…
Pop quiz! Which of the following scenes would you find the most exciting to watch: #1 Commander Taylor and Hunky Jim capture a male and female pterosaur #2 Scientists synthesize pterosaur pheromones Unless you’re a pheromone-synthesizing scientist, I’m guessing you chose option #1. Guess which one Terra Nova chose to include and which one happened off-camera?…
When last we left Supernatural, Cas put the souls back in Purgatory, but couldn’t quite shake the Leviathans dwelling inside him. In “Hello, Cruel World,” the Cas vessel has just about had it, so the Leviathans decide to split up and try to find their own individual, low-paid extras to infect with Leviathan-y goodness. Meanwhile, Sam and Lucifer and still…
Dear Diary- So much to tell you! Just give me a second to pull on my Fosse gear, ‘cause we’re going to Chicago! Yes! It’s a flashback episode all about 1920s Chicago and seems to be largely based on the musical of the same name. Not that I mind. I don’t. I love The Vampire Diaries flashbacks. I love that all the guys get to keep their ultra-modern…
In the future, everything is gross. Is the future ever awesome? No, never. It’s craptacular. Even when the future manages to be utopian instead of dystopian, it’s a safe bet there are a bunch of jerks living underground who eat the utopian people. In the premiere of Fox’s Terra Nova, it’s 2149 and the Earth is overpopulated, overpolluted and on…
Can you believe Supernatural is back for a seventh season? I’m not complaining, necessarily, even though season six gave us the most blatant shark-jumping episode ever, when the Winchester boys found themselves in a dimension where Supernatural is a TV show starring Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. Ugh. The season managed to recover by the end, though, and Castiel’s…
Yay! Fringe is back! The best sci-fi show on television returns, and everything is all messed up. At the end of last season, Peter strapped himself into the machine and turned it up to 11, creating a shared space between the universes and erasing himself from everyone’s memories. So now Olivia and Fauxlivia must work together and not be jealous of each other’s…
Dear Diary- Weird news. I’ve developed a new super power. In addition to my previous ability to knock people’s hats off with my mind; I can now get characters on TV to take their shirts off. It’s a useful power to have, believe me. Just as The Vampire Diaries was starting this week, I thought, “Gee, I’d like to see Alaric take his shirt off.”…
I’ve only been watching Doctor Who since the Eccleston season, so forgive me if I’m just discovering a decades-old trend, but have you noticed that the Doctor only talks about taking his companions to exotic foreign worlds? They never actually get there. Instead, they content themselves to visit Earth-bound locales, like apartment buildings, hotels, maybe the White…
Dear Diary- The insanely beautiful, insanely popular (and just plain insane) kids of Mystic Falls are back, and I couldn’t be happier. No show on television makes me gasp with more guilty pleasure glee than The Vampire Diaries. In many ways, it’s like the anti-Buffy, which was all about the uncool kids saving the world from monsters and demons. In Mystic Falls,…
I come before you today to lay Season Four to rest. Season Four was…special. It was filled with life and, like all of us, was sometimes too human, or too half-human-half-faerie for its own good. I look around and see everyone who made Season Four the season it was. I see Lafayette over there, looking a little spooked, sitting next to his cousin Tara, who is, of course,…
What a sucktastic weekend! First, the coverage of the 9/11 anniversary reached fetishistic levels of sadomasochism this year, with every channel from CNN to HGTV wringing as much drama as they could from the trauma. Second, I chose to mope around all weekend, feeling sorry for myself and resenting my long-distance boyfriend for the unbridled, carefree life he leads,…
As the bickering between A-Team members Bill, Eric, Pam, Jessica and special guest star Jason devolved into a few of them saying, repeatedly “F**king Sookie,” I had to laugh. And agree with them. In this, the penultimate episode of the season, I realized two things. 1.) F**king Sookie was wearing a f**king cute outfit and 2.) when people are either actually f**king…
Is there anything more terrifying than British children? How about British children laughing? Or British children laughing and singing spooky nursery rhymes? Whether they’re cooing, “Have you seen my mummy?” or “Have you come to take me away?”, Doctor Who has a history of using British children to spooky effect. They are a surefire way to…
It will come as no surprise to anyone that I’m a fan of Alcide. I’d even go so far as to say, “He my Boo.” And yet, I have to admit that I’d rather walk into Dr. Sivana’s OBGYN practice dressed as Mary Marvel than trust him with any medical emergency I might encounter. Alcide knows how to pour concrete, and lord almighty does he know how to work the strong…
